With a couple days off and the tail-end of Brian's spring break we took a mini-vacation down to Portland this weekend.  It was my first time there and Brian's first time in the city proper, but I think we did pretty well.  The weather held out nicely, northwest spring weather with the occasional rain (and hail-storm), but we were most grateful for the wonderful sunshine we were given.  Our first stop was the Japanese garden, one of the best in the country and well worth the moniker - it was beautiful! Even if all the trees weren't in bloom or leafed out, each line the eye sees is carefully planned and groomed, and yet it looks natural and makes you feel at ease.  Our next stop was the Oregon Zoo, which we were both impressed by.  Brian got a good otter-fix with both river and sea otters in action, you can see how much he wanted to join them in the water.  The river otters were adorable wrestling in their den - a lazy Friday, we're not even sure they left all day except for a little peak out the hole.  The proud lions were basking in the sun and we got to be amused by the frustrated affections of the male caracal and the not-to-subtle rejections of his female counterpart.  What beautiful cats though!

After checking into our hotel (Ace Hotel - one of the hippest in town), we headed out for some dinner and then digested while we browsed the labyrinth of books at Powells.  I spent way to much on books I haven't ever seen or were too much of a deal to pass-up....that's a dangerous place for someone like me!  I'm happy with what I brought home though and I'm glad its 3 hours away. 

The next day found us stalking the streets for breakfast where we landed some awesome waffles on a corner wagon near the Chinatown gate...mine was covered in fig compote, camembert, bacon and arugula mmmmmmmm. We wandered down to the Saturday street market only to find we had arrived just in time for the cherry blossoms in the Japanese historical plaza.  Families were busy taking pictures in their finest and the wind and occasional squall would fill the air with the quintessential pink petals.  The market was busy with a lot of shops that we found some future treasures to save up for - plenty of reasons to head back.  We crowned our trip with a trip to Multnomah falls, a spectacular 620 ft cascade.  We couldn't resist a climb up to the precipice and were rewarded with good views, a short hailstorm and a perfect reveal of sunshine before we left - its a magical place. 

Odd as it sounds, that was probably the first time I've escaped for a night away with my boyfriend.  Its a nice change of pace and I feel all the better for it - to to mention all the great things and interesting people we got to see.  Portland had a much different energy than Seattle, a bit more rough on the edges.  Its often remarked that Portland is filled with Seattle's rejects, but I don't think that does it justice.  There's a lot of people trying to make something of themselves by being themselves and that's worth honoring.  However, having them all concentrated in one place kind of lowers the impact and makes it seem pretentious at times.  If anything its easy for us weirdos to blend in.  It'll take a few more trips to get a good feel for the town, but I'm glad we've broken the ice.

It is always awkward to suddenly update a blog after five months of inactivity, but oh what a five months they've been.  Looking back at all the changes that have occurred I get a little dizzy...none of it really expected, but all of it necessary to what lies ahead.  Where to start?  I suppose I should start with the biggest and most difficult change, the one that seemed to precipitate all the rest.  After 13 years I ended my relationship to Bowser.  I won't get into the nitty gritty of it all except to say that we had grown apart in a lot of ways, or at least I had walked too far into my own wilderness/garden and couldn't really relate to him any more.  When you start to make internal decisions about your own happiness and realize they cannot include your partner, something is wrong.  Of course, I didn't realize the gravity of it at the time and I simply went forward with the expectation that this is how all long-term relationships go and you just learn to live together but separately.  However, the universe threw a wrench into this plan when I found myself falling in love with someone else.  It was confusing at first, being the monogamous person I am.  My affections and interests had never strayed - I just didn't look at people like that.  The fact that I found myself constantly thinking of and hoping for the presence of someone else signalled to me that something was quite wrong at home.  Once that door is opened there is no closing it, at least for me.  When I fall in love, my whole being shifts its attention to it and I often do foolish things for it (I'm a hopeless romantic).  Looking back, falling in love has an intense history for me - the turmoil surrounding my initial relationship with Bowser and the shit-storm that involved. Now I am faced with an equally challenging set of circumstances to work through in order to have this relationship, the least of which is dealing with the dissolution of a 13 year relationship and the heartbreak I have caused to a friend and companion.  Thankfully I have a lot of wonderful people around me who support me and have explained to me that this happens every day and to just about everyone, but it is bizarre to be in the middle of it.  It does make me grateful for my friends though. 

"One day at a time," I was told over and over again by everyone around me, including my new partner (who also happens to be a Brian).  For someone like me, who plans weeks and months ahead to be prepared for all contingencies this has been an interesting exercise.  Strangely enough it became relevant in more than one way though.  Over the past 3 months I've also had my heaviest teaching load (8 credits, 5 of which are lab), which in the scheme of things isn't too much but coupled with my lab director duties this has made for a very busy stretch at work.  Taking it all one day at a time has brought me to today, the day before finals week.  One more week and then I'll be able to breathe again.  This exercise has also taught me that I don't have to be so regimental about the future either, because things didn't fall apart and I have been able to keep up for the most part.  Granted, it has not always been at the calm and collected pace I prefer, but we all need a little change now and then.  As I said, love makes me a fool and all the free time I've had I've been single mindedly directing it to Brian...the fact that the world hasn't ended and I finish the day smiling suggest to me that I'm doing just fine. 

But I'm not done...over these past few months I've also come to terms with something I was trying to ignore and hope against hope, but it would appear that I did inherit another gem - rheumatoid arthritis.  Just like my dad, mine started in my feet and I just tried to convince myself it was my shoes and the hardwood floors I was always walking barefoot on, but then it started in my hands and I couldn't ignore it.  I haven't had it officially diagnosed yet, but it fits the symptom tree and having it in my family pretty much seals the deal.  Eating fresh ginger has become my new habit along with a few new daily supplements and I actually have it very well controlled.  I'm a little bit wary about where this will go, but hopefully providing my body what it needs will keep it in check and keep me off the harder stuff.  Which brings me to another change, I'm eating meat again.  I put myself on the scale four months ago and was a little bit shocked to discover that I was 154 lbs.  When I moved to Washington I was about 186...that's over 30 lbs in a little over 3 years.  Its not necessarily an unhealthy 154 and aside from my joints I feel very healthy and happy with my body, but I should really be around 166.  After 3 months of trying to gain weight and not succeeding I decided to put meat back into the mix to see if it was the missing piece.  Its a little early in the experiment, but I'll keep you posted.

So...on the one hand I am estranged from my home (a can of worms to be discussed some other time), busier then I've been in a long time and dealing with some health issues, but on the other hand I'm the happiest I've been in probably 10 years and more hopeful about my future and the life ahead of me then I've ever been.  It is wonderful to be in love, especially with my new Brian.  In all honesty I can't even describe the difference - the universe was listening when I was making all those wishes and realizations about my happiness because it gave me the one person that can come with me down that road.  Last year my magical motto was "Wake Up!" and boy has it come to that.  It has been a strange journey these five months, but I've learned a lot about what I really want out of life, that I have amazing people around me, that I can still work hard, have a voice that is listened to and that magic still works. 

Ever since I was 12 or 14 and my grandma brought back beautiful pictures and tales from Orcas Island I've wanted to go.  This past weekend I finally got to fulfill that wish.  Bowser's mom and sister were in town and they had reserved a condo up in Eastsound on Orcas so we got to come along and experience the San Juan islands for the first time.  It was as beautiful as I thought it would be and we had a good mix of weather to keep things interesting.  Its kind of an eco-tourism destination - very green and down to earth.  Looking out into some of the valleys with farms, it felt like we were back on Maui, climbing up Haleakala...it was so green!  The last day we ventured up to the top of Mount Constitution and were gifted with a perfectly clear and sunny day.  We could see all the surrounding islands and Mt. Baker clearly, sporting a stylish cap-cloud.  The wind was so strong though it made it hard to stay up there long.  We did venture over to San Juan island and drove up to Roche Harbor to see the McMillan mausoleum...an impressive, but eerie structure out in the woods.  It is a circle of columns built based on the dimensions of Solomon's temple with a round table in the center surrounded by chairs.  Within the base of each chair are the ashes of one of the McMillan family.  It is an interesting place to experience and strangely beautiful as it ages out in the woods.  In the surrounding forest there are other grave stones from the early 1900's - we were all expecting to see a ghost peeking out from one of the trees!  It was a wonderful experience and wet our appetites to experience the islands more, next time we'll have to find a cabin out along the shore and just relax for a few days. 

Other than that it has been a very busy week for me.  Classes started and I'm teaching two classes this quarter, both very fun to teach but still time consuming.  And if you haven't heard already, I am the new Research Laboratory Director at Bastyr after my old boss resigned (off to a new job) earlier in September.  It was another one of those moments when the universe gives me just what I need right in the nick of time.  I was worried about making ends meet at the end of September, but all the puzzle pieces fell into place just when I needed it most.  In fact, in the span of three days I was given my classes to teach, the director position and asked if I wanted to teach more classes in the Basic Sciences department (which I had to decline due to time constraints)...it is feast or famine I guess.  I'm sticking to my passions and I wanted to stay at Bastyr, so I count myself as blessed.  So between taking care of the lab and its denizens and putting together lectures and teaching there hasn't been much time to do much else.  Hopefully I'll find a good rhythm because I'll be teaching for the whole school year now and its a little bit strange not having anyone to defer to anymore...seems to be my fate though. 

What’s become of the thinking man?

When wisdom’s worth is determined by its vintage

Rather than its nose.

Don’t let it pass your lips,

Less your tongue be stained

By vitriol of the vengeful.

Despair has seized the engines of innovation

Yet futurists’ prophecies assure

 - Techno-utopia -

Apocalypse for the rest.

No sane solutions.

The thinking man is dead

 

The drug of choice - talking heads.

Ignorance^®, taken twice daily,

Sustains the somnambulistic march

The voice-over warns of irrationality

In four out of five

“But I’m a chosen one…”

 

Fear has frozen all but faith,

Shyster’s primordial goad,

Shocks the herd to stampede -

Beasts of burden for false kings,

Spewing sanctimonious spirituality,

Huffing hypocrites and opinions made to order,

Freed of the nightmare of facts,

To sooth the pain of knowing,

And keep the comforting contradictions

They’ve killed the thinking man.

Kaleb C. Lund
September 2010

I actually started writing this a week ago and since then have started reading a book, “The Ecotechnic Future”, by John Michael Greer and was somewhat startled by the synchronicity of it.  Actually I’m quite smitten with this book due to its tone and sanity – a dose of well-tempered reason in what feels like a sea of madness.  I say the thinking man is dead, but JMG proved me wrong.  I can’t recommend this book highly enough, to EVERYBODY of all spiritual and political bents.  He does his best to rise above all the usual muck (or at lease distribute the blame appropriately) so he can convey his greater message: that we’re all in for a great change and if we don’t wake up fast its going to be a lot more difficult than it has to be.  This is all laid out in the context of well-reasoned science and historical precedence and he takes the time to clear up some common misconceptions that are prevalent in today’s discourse.  Even if you just read the first four chapters you’ll be way ahead of the game.  It may be depressing for some of you, but I think its better to think about these things now rather than wait until things are even worse.  Its not very expensive and its available on paper, kindle, and audio.  I swear I don’t get kick-backs…I just think everyone should read this so I don’t have to reiterate what he’s already said!

 

The fall of Rome has been attributed to many different things essentially boiling down to over extension and economic instability.  There are many different hypotheses and I’m certainly not a Roman historian, but I remember one hypothesis was that all the lead in their food (leached from their cooking utensils) eventually resulted in a gradual decrease in cognitive ability.  The gist being that if they had had their wits, they probably could have figured out a way to survive the other pressures on the empire….it would have shrunk, but maybe it would still would have survived.

 

I fear that American civilization is teetering on its own immolation – but with our own perverse twist.  Like Rome we are vastly over-extended and the fuel to feed our empire is starting to wane.  The increasingly flimsy dollar (backed by cheap oil-energy instead of gold and hard work) won’t hold this empire together much longer.  Like Rome, we should have the wherewithal to get ourselves out of this, to see the solutions and have the will to act and make tough decisions…instead the insanity continues. 

 

Our proverbial lead in this analogy?  Statins.

 

I’ve never been a fan of statins, they are basically the epitome of what is wrong with the drug/medical industry of our country.  Where a person is just a bunch of numbers on a chart and we have some mythical perfect chart that we’re trying to create so we use drugs to push numbers around to try and fit your chart in the box.  You have to bounce around in the system for awhile before you even figure out what is really wrong with you because really they’ve just been trying to manipulate your numbers without really taking the time to diagnose you.  Now that they’re making recommendations to give statins to children and some hack in UK thinks we should sprinkle our fast food with statins I’m really worried about our future.  

 

The problem here is that statins lower cholesterol, but no one (and I mean no one) has shown that lowering cholesterol actually increases lifespan or improves lifestyle.  There may be associations with cardiovascular disease, but as we like to say “correlation does not equal causation.”  I think its more likely that cholesterol is an indicator of health in general, but that lowering it alone is NOT the answer.  Cholesterol is actually a very important substance, so important that we have elaborate systems to make cholesterol in our bodies if we’re not eating enough (let that sink in).  Cholesterol is essential to the way our cell membranes work and life itself basically depends on the health of membranes (keeping things apart that need to be).  The whole concept of nerve impulses depends on functioning and fluid cell membranes that require cholesterol…our brain is full of it and depends on it.  Cholesterol is also one of our primary endogenous free radical scavangers (also important in our sugar-burning brain) - not only does it keep the membranes fluid, it also protects the membranes from oxidative damage.  And finally, cholesterol forms the basis of our most important messenger substances – hormones.

 

So the problem I’m looking at here is that, if a person has really high cholesterol we need to figure out why – not to just knee-jerk with a drug to get it down.  Look at what cholesterol does in the body.  If cholesterol is high then its likely that the body is undergoing some sort of stress and its trying to protect itself.  When you eat fast food and your cholesterol jumps up, its not because there’s a lot of cholesterol in the food you ate, its because the food you ate is full of terrible quality fats that your body is trying to protect itself against!  All the awful fats and high sugar that we eat wreaks havoc on our system and so we make cholesterol to try and cool the fire and protect ourselves.  Eating antioxidants and quality food decreases cholesterol because it provides protection on its own so our bodies don’t have to make cholesterol.  If we eat the same junk-food and then take statins on top of it, we’ve lit the house on fire and then shot the fireman.  Now just think of the idiocy of giving statins to children with billions of developing brain cells trying to build healthy membranes in light of the average American diet, not to mention children in puberty trying to make hormones so they can grow-up properly….like I said, I think we’re in trouble.  

 

I know not everyone is going to take statins because I know a lot of people that think like I do.  But its certainly not a majority (maybe not even a substantial minority!) and if we have a lot of people not firing on all their cylinders because their brains haven’t formed right, its going to be harder for the rest of us. 

 

I don’t want to be reductionist here, there are a lot of factors at play and part of the reason statins are popular is because our society as a whole is obsessed with numbers and ‘rapid progress.’ People want to see their numbers go down damn-it!  We lash out at the one thing we apparently have control over and make it the enemy….we can manipulate cholesterol with these drugs, so the problem is cholesterol!  We couldn't be bothered to consider the quality of our foods or our eating habits - the difficult, but actual issue at hand.

 

Statins are just one example of how it has gone wrong and how we're totally missing the mark...consider also immigration.  People villainize Hispanics and make decreasing immigration numbers the goal…”as long as we keep people out everything will be okay.”  Yet, now that we’re deporting more people than we ever have and keeping a lot of people out, why is the economy still tumbling and why are people still out of work?  Because we haven’t done anything about the real problem, we’ve been wasting time worrying about immigration numbers! 

 

Rome didn’t fall because of lead in their food, but I’m sure it didn’t help.  We are embattled in several crises and yet we’re running around screaming at all the wrong things.  We need cool heads and good ideas and statins are not good for either. 

This was about a week ago, but you don't expect me to sit in front of my computer all summer and make blog posts do you!  Last Wednesday was Alicia's birthday so as all good druids do, the three of us ditched work and went up to the mountains to celebrate. Once we got on the trail and the quiet magic of the woods set-in I completely forgot about my guilt ;) (actually we all had our work done so it was fine) It was just a modest hike and on a weekend it would have been jam-packed, but there were only a handful of people on the trail.  The trail wasn't as grueling as our last hike, just a gentle climb through fairy woods with carpets of Prince's Pine (Pipsissewa), Salal, Coralroot orchids and the ever present ferns and moss.  We also came upon some giant pine cones on the trail from some uncommon western white pines...we took a couple home for our altars.  The highlight for me though was the lake at the end.  After a quick lunch with the chipmunks I had to dip my feet in, but once I found out how pleasant the water was I couldn't stop there.  The lake was crystal clear and full of fish (they were jumping non-stop all around us).  I lazed on the water for awhile, hoping that the osprey calling from the trees would show us his fishing skills, but no luck.  Unfortunately I was the only one who braved the water - one of these times we'll get Bowser wet!  All in all I think it was the best pool party I've been to - what a great summer day!

One year older, but people still look at me funny when I tell them my age - guess I'm not quite at my spiritual age yet.  It was a very nice birthday thanks to all my loved ones...thank you!  I hope the next year brings a bit more stability for all of us. 

Lughnasadh, the first/grain harvest, is around the corner and in my case that means herbs a plenty - I'm busy making medicines with the green bounty of the Bastyr gardens.  Here at home our own garden is kind of limping along.  Tomato plants look great, but no fruit and all our broccoli and a fair bit of our greens became rat food over night - nibbling them down to stumps *GRRR*  But the rats better watch out because they've grabbed the attention of the Dark Mother, Hecate, and her owls.  We had a charming Barred Owl in our yard on Saturday and I'm hoping he/she had bit of dinner while they were here.  The jays and crows weren't happy, but it settled down in a Cedar tree and slept all day in our yard.  My plea for help with our rodents definitely was answered.   I was able to get a fuzzy video through the window....

On the other end of the spectrum I discovered another little gem on my way into work today.  A little shrub near the entrance of Bastyr was peeping and shaking so I had a peak in and discovered a little nest with three baby White-crowned Sparrows.  They posed nicely for a picture and the parents didn't seem to matter - though they weren't happy with the gardener laying down some mulch. See if you can spot them..

It wasn't as hot as it has been and we were all grateful for that.  Hiking up a mountain on a fairly steep trail magnifies any heat there is so we were definitely feeling it on the way up.  We took our time and I think I was able to keep a better pace this time, we all kept closer and the fact that I'm not sore today and I didn't get a headache yesterday really suggests I had it just about right.  The trail was extremely busy, but it was nice to smile and say hello to everyone.  Some of the people coming down looked pretty ragged and other's were pretty cheery - being on a mountainside with warm sun and fragrant breezes had me happy even when my feet and legs hurt.  After reading some of the trail guides I was prepared for a hot and grueling hike, but actually the first part of the hike was mostly shaded and gentle - young Alder forests with magical light and mountain streams edged with Wild Ginger. Once the grade got significantly steeper we were huffing pretty good and the sun became more of a presence, but there were ample shady spots to stop and catch our breath and beautiful wildflowers and views to keep our mind occupied.  We were able to watch our progress by slowly watching Tahoma (Mt. Rainier) emerge from the neighboring mountains.  It messes with your perspective to be climbing around what feel like big mountains, only to have that giant looming in the distance.  By the time we climbed high enough to be out of the trees and into the full sun and delicious breeze had come up the mountain to keep us cool - it was perfect up there!  Among the slopes of dark boulders there were vast meadows of paintbrush and Bear Grass - like little sheep grazing in the meadow as far as you could see.  Our original destination was going to be Bandera Mountain, but the trail guides had said the last thousand feet was basically a 45-degree scramble and the people on the trail we talked to suggested it was as bad as it sounded so when we came to the junction we opted instead for the easier trek to Mason Lake (the exhausted woman sitting there who said she had tried the Bandera trail and gave up helped our decision too).  Actually it turned out to be the right thing to do.  A short hike through the fields of wildflowers and sun brought us to the edge of the Alpine Lakes Wilderness and then a cool decent through the Mountain Hemlock and Fir trees placed us right at the shore of a beautiful mountain lake.  It was busy there, but not so much that we couldn't find comfy spot for lunch and then a heavily break for our feet by soaking them in the water.  What a wonderful way to spend a summer day and well worth the effort to get there.  Despite all the people the lake had a good energy to it - peaceful and stable.  The spirits of the place seemed to welcome the weary travelers and heal them, knowing that the ones that make it that far are interested in preserving and participating in nature rather than exploiting and damaging it.  With that rejuvenating respite the hike down was much easier.  Our legs were tired and burning, but our morale was significantly better and we stayed cool the whole way down (the draw of giant root beer floats helped too).  All in all a great hike - maybe this fall we'll try to make it up Bandera. 

We braved the independence day crowds for some natural inspiration this weekend, making our pilgrimage to the great god of western Washington - Tahoma.  It was busy, but beautiful.  We ventured to Sunrise for the first time, but were only afforded a very short glimpse of the mountain through the dissipating clouds.  We did get a good view of Emmons glacier though and were left wondering how much longer it would be there - there was a lot of freshly exposed land at the base.

We next traveled to the Grove of the Patriarchs to connect to some great trees, but found it too difficult to hear their voices among all the tourist babble.  It was a little disheartening that they couldn't find it within themselves to just be quiet for a few moments - I at least have the decency to shut my mouth when I go to other people's churches.  I'm just being grumpy...I'm actually glad there were people out enjoying nature, hopefully it left an impression on some of them. 

On the other side of the mountain the clouds were breaking up a bit more and we had some nice clear images of the great snowy peak.  It's funny how you always forget how big and sudden it is.  It grows out of the landscape so suddenly it almost doesn't seem real, even in some of the photographs.  Its still a few weeks away from spring up near paradise, so we had our snow in July. 

July 4th here was cold and wet (seems to be a tradition), but now we are finally going to get some summer around here.  It's looks like it might nudge up near 90 this week - our first stretch of days over 75 all year.  Of course, hearing the rumor of warm weather to come, my body decided to pick-up a head cold.  Sitting in some hot sun will probably do the trick. 

This is also the last week of my fellowship and I'm not really in the mood to reflect yet.  I have a part-time (more like third-time) job working in the lab through July and am hoping I'll have some Ayurveda research to do starting in August that will help bring me up to a level we can live off of.  More waiting and hoping.  I'm glad to be where I'm at, but I'm still anxious about what lies ahead.

We revisited the unfortunately named "Lake 22" again this past weekend - what a beautiful hike and destination.  Last time we visited here there was still 8+ feet of snow at the lake so we thought we should try a late spring (almost summer) excursion to see the difference.  This hike reminds me of why I was so enamored with the Northwest when I was growing up.  The pictures in books and magazines looked so magical - ancient forests full of giant trees, artistic cascades and the green, I couldn't imagine so much green.  The mountains of my childhood (Utah) are beautiful and have their own magical charm, but they didn't quite capture my imagination like those pictures did.  I thought perhaps that this was just a touch of "the grass is always greener," but being here I think it just suits me better.  I have since been able to experience this magic in several places that we've explored, but this hike seems to have it all.  Even though it was a crowded place (slightly warm and a chance of sun had everybody out), the magic that infused the forest broke through it all to bring back some of that childlike wonder.

I've talked about the great ancient trees and how you can feel their presence - a low thrum that pulls you into a different current of time and you have to speak more softly.  On this hike I felt it palpably, but instead it pulled me into the spirit of the green and made me feel youthful.  Even in the fullness of my potential, I will always be like a child to them.  I felt like I needed to play, that the Ancient's still energy wanted a bit of joy from the short-lived that walk among them.  I felt the thrill of an older being watching the sprightly youth wonder at the newness of life, vicariously experiencing the swiftness and changeability of my perceptions.  It was a need, and a reminder and so I flew, and laughed, and sang the songs I was hearing.  I spoke to the spirits of the stream and dark forest flowers and reveled in the pain of my feet.  How wonderful to bounce from rock-to-rock so much that your feet hurt!  The most precious gifts of sight and sound, our mobility and freedom and our ability to feel - may I always be grateful of them.   

I'm afraid I couldn't really do the place justice. Luckily Bowser was able to capture it better. Here's a link to his photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/Grumbles.Bloobelly/Lake22#